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We all die. Let’s start living like we truly understand that. We plan for so many things—why not our death?Embracing our mortality is a profound step toward living a more intentional and meaningful life. By acknowledging that our time is finite, we can prioritize what truly matters and ensure our final wishes are honored.<figure id="figure-weq240c9u4m7w9whmp"><iframe id="weq240c9u4m7w9whmp" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WPQ-UihGYQA" class="w-full bg-gray-100 " style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" allowfullscreen="" data-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPQ-UihGYQA" data-corners="default" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WPQ-UihGYQA" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></iframe></figure>Video - I help people die – here’s what they’ve taught me about living | Alua Arthur<h3>The Importance of End-of-Life Planning</h3>Proactively planning for the end of life offers numerous benefits:Alleviating Stress for Loved Ones: Having a clear plan in place reduces the emotional burden on family members during an already challenging time. It minimizes potential conflicts and uncertainties about your wishes.&nbsp;Ensuring Personal Wishes Are Honored: Documenting your preferences ensures that decisions regarding medical care, funeral arrangements, and asset distribution align with your desires.&nbsp;Financial Preparedness: Planning helps manage costs associated with end-of-life arrangements, preventing unexpected financial strain on your family.Living Fully by Facing MortalityConfronting the reality of death can enrich our lives:Enhanced Appreciation: Recognizing life's impermanence encourages us to cherish everyday moments and relationships.Authentic Living: Awareness of mortality prompts us to align our actions with our true values, leading to a more genuine and fulfilling existence.Prioritizing Meaningful Goals: Understanding that time is limited motivates us to focus on what truly matters, fostering a sense of purpose.<h3>Taking Action</h3>To integrate this awareness into your life:<ul><li>Reflect on Personal Values – Consider what is most important to you and how you want to be remembered.</li><li>Communicate with Loved Ones – Discuss your wishes openly to ensure they are understood and respected.</li><li>Seek Professional Guidance – Consult with legal and financial experts to formalize your plans effectively.</li></ul>By embracing our mortality and planning accordingly, we not only secure our own peace of mind but also gift our loved ones with clarity and comfort. This conscious acknowledgment allows us to live more fully, with intention and purpose.<h3>Need Support in Planning Your End-of-Life Journey?</h3>As an End of Life Doula, I offer compassionate guidance to help you navigate these important conversations and create a plan that reflects your values and wishes. Whether you're seeking clarity, practical resources, or emotional support, I'm here to assist you.📞 <a data-mce-href="https://calendly.com/journeyingon/15min?month=2025-03" href="https://calendly.com/journeyingon/15min?month=2025-03" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Schedule a free 15-minute consultation today and take the first step toward a peaceful and intentional transition.&nbsp;</a>Salutations, &nbsp;Sundara &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;

We plan for so many things—why not our death?

As an end-of-life worker, I accept and serve people of all religions, meeting them where they are in their beliefs and traditions. But if I had to choose one path that resonates most deeply, I find myself drawn to the Tao. Some would argue it isn’t a religion at all—more a way of being, a philosophy that embraces the ebb and flow of life with acceptance rather than resistance.Recently, after a thought-provoking conversation about reality, technology, and the future of humanity, I revisited Zhuangzi’s famous <a data-mce-href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zhuangzi_(book)#%22The_Butterfly_Dream%22" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zhuangzi_(book)#%22The_Butterfly_Dream%22" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Butterfly Dream</a>. That led me to another of his stories, one that speaks powerfully to those who are grieving: Drumming on a Tub and Singing.In this tale, Zhuangzi’s wife has died, and rather than weeping in despair, he sits on the ground, drumming on a tub and singing. When asked how he can do such a thing, he explains that life and death are part of the same unfolding mystery, that grief is not about clinging to what was, but about moving with the rhythms of existence itself.For those mourning a loved one, this story offers something profound—not a call to suppress grief, but an invitation to see it through a different lens. What if, instead of resisting change, we honored the full cycle of life? What if we trusted in the vast, unknowable unfolding, where birth and death are not endpoints, but movements in a greater flow?This is not to say that loss doesn’t ache. It does. But perhaps, like Zhuangzi, we can find a way to meet it with something other than sorrow alone. Perhaps, in time, we too might drum and sing.<a data-mce-href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zhuangzi_(book)#%22The_Butterfly_Dream%22" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zhuangzi_(book)#%22The_Butterfly_Dream%22" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"Drumming On a Tub and Singing"</a> 莊子妻死，惠子弔之，莊子則方箕踞鼓盆而歌。惠子曰：與人居長子，老身死，不哭亦足矣，又鼓盆而歌，不亦甚乎。 Zhuangzi's wife died. When Huizi went to convey his condolences, he found Zhuangzi sitting with his legs sprawled out, pounding on a tub and singing. "You lived with her, she brought up your children and grew old," said Huizi. "It should be enough simply not to weep at her death. But pounding on a tub and singing—this is going too far, isn't it?"莊子曰：不然。是其始死也，我獨何能無概然。察其始而本無生，非徒無生也，而本無形，非徒無形也，而本無氣。雜乎芒芴之間，變而有氣，氣變而有形，形變而有生，今又變而之死，是相與為春秋冬夏四時行也。 Zhuangzi said, "You're wrong. When she first died, do you think I didn't grieve like anyone else? But I looked back to her beginning and the time before she was born. Not only the time before she was born, but the time before she had a body. Not only the time before she had a body, but the time before she had a spirit. In the midst of the jumble of wonder and mystery a change took place and she had a spirit. Another change and she had a body. Another change and she was born. Now there's been another change and she's dead. It's just like the progression of the four seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter."人且偃然寢於巨室，而我噭噭然隨而哭之，自以為不通乎命，故止也。 "Now she's going to lie down peacefully in a vast room. If I were to follow after her bawling and sobbing, it would show that I don't understand anything about fate. So I stopped."— Zhuangzi, chapter 18If you find yourself needing support through a time of grief, don’t hesitate to reach out. I offer compassionate guidance for those navigating loss, and you can find <a data-mce-href="https://journeyingon.com/grief---bereavement-services" href="https://journeyingon.com/grief---bereavement-services" target="_blank" rel="noopener">additional resources</a> on my website to help you through this journey. You don’t have to walk it alone.<figure id="figure-7lpn62m23im7glyjtx"><img id="7lpn62m23im7glyjtx" src="https://cdn.durable.co/covers/27uGT15TDBOpZjmwRr0sjV66AVcqWdREuw8837tsmaUP1X7zievikhVcvX5Jhw6G.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 " style="aspect-ratio: 1/1; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="1:1" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/covers/27uGT15TDBOpZjmwRr0sjV66AVcqWdREuw8837tsmaUP1X7zievikhVcvX5Jhw6G.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 1/1; object-position: center center;"></figure>

Drumming on a Tub and Singing: A Taoist Reflection on Grief

A few years back, I stumbled upon an intriguing exhibition at the Bristol Museum &amp; Art Gallery titled "Death: The Human Experience." Running from October 24, 2015, to March 13, 2016, this exhibition delved into the multifaceted ways humans perceive and handle death across different cultures and eras. It showcased a diverse array of artifacts, from a vibrant Ghanaian fantasy coffin to a somber Victorian mourning dress, each narrating unique stories about mortality.<figure id="figure-26az8e6ybfm7ceehbz"><img id="26az8e6ybfm7ceehbz" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/14UPiWYj3xECLxdtfeuBaPMwALuogwntevJqwQyuyGZOVa1BGxT5bce4U1C0KXxP.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/14UPiWYj3xECLxdtfeuBaPMwALuogwntevJqwQyuyGZOVa1BGxT5bce4U1C0KXxP.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>What made this exhibition particularly compelling was its mission to break the societal taboo surrounding discussions about death. By presenting death through various lenses—be it ethical dilemmas, cultural rituals, or personal anecdotes—it encouraged visitors to reflect on their own beliefs and feelings about life's inevitable end. Apparently it showcased everything from elaborate Ghanaian coffins to Victorian mourning jewelry, highlighting the many ways humans process loss.For those who couldn't attend in person or wish to revisit the exhibition, the museum offers an online version. This digital experience allows you to explore the same thought-provoking content from the comfort of your home, ensuring the conversation about death continues beyond the museum walls.<a data-mce-href="https://exhibitions.bristolmuseums.org.uk/death/" href="https://exhibitions.bristolmuseums.org.uk/death/" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">bristolmuseums.org.uk</a>If you're curious about how soe of the different societies handle death or just want to reflect on your own thoughts about mortality, I highly recommend checking it out. &nbsp;To Life &amp; Death, Sundara Heart<figure id="figure-4gys7gssem7cejhzp"><img id="4gys7gssem7cejhzp" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/115wR7l00zoClMdcEukRp11F05ZGpAJuZu2briEtAODrCrK5wMDaln37zGocQ6sG.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 " style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/115wR7l00zoClMdcEukRp11F05ZGpAJuZu2briEtAODrCrK5wMDaln37zGocQ6sG.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>

Bristol Museum & Art Gallery- "Death: The Human Experience."

As an end-of-life worker, I often support individuals and families navigating difficult choices in the final stage of life. One option that has gained attention is <a data-mce-href="https://www.amazon.com/VSED-Handbook-Practical-Voluntarily-Stopping-ebook/dp/B09VFS7QT6/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0" href="https://www.amazon.com/VSED-Handbook-Practical-Voluntarily-Stopping-ebook/dp/B09VFS7QT6/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener">VSED</a> (Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking), a legal and intentional decision to hasten death when faced with terminal illness or unbearable suffering. While VSED is deeply personal, it’s also complex—both medically and ethically.A recent study published in the Journal of Pain and Symptom Management (Suri et al., 2023) sheds light on the realities of <a data-mce-href="https://www.amazon.com/VSED-Handbook-Practical-Voluntarily-Stopping-ebook/dp/B09VFS7QT6/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0" href="https://www.amazon.com/VSED-Handbook-Practical-Voluntarily-Stopping-ebook/dp/B09VFS7QT6/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener">VSED</a>, offering valuable perspectives for those considering this path. The research explores the motivations behind VSED, the role of caregivers, and the physical, emotional, and ethical dimensions of the process.Key Findings from the Study One of the most important takeaways from this research is that individuals who choose <a data-mce-href="https://www.amazon.com/VSED-Handbook-Practical-Voluntarily-Stopping-ebook/dp/B09VFS7QT6/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0" href="https://www.amazon.com/VSED-Handbook-Practical-Voluntarily-Stopping-ebook/dp/B09VFS7QT6/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener">VSED</a> are often driven by a strong desire for autonomy. They want control over their dying process, often to avoid prolonged suffering, loss of dignity, or the advanced stages of degenerative illnesses like Alzheimer’s. The study confirms what I’ve witnessed in my own work—patients and families approach this decision thoughtfully, weighing their values and quality of life above all else.Another crucial aspect highlighted is the role of caregivers. <a data-mce-href="https://www.amazon.com/VSED-Handbook-Practical-Voluntarily-Stopping-ebook/dp/B09VFS7QT6/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0" href="https://www.amazon.com/VSED-Handbook-Practical-Voluntarily-Stopping-ebook/dp/B09VFS7QT6/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener">VSED</a> is not something that happens in isolation; it requires emotional and logistical support from family, hospice teams, or <a data-mce-href="https://journeyingon.com/about" href="https://journeyingon.com/about" target="_blank" rel="noopener">end-of-life workers</a> like myself. The study emphasizes that caregivers experience significant emotional strain, particularly as they witness changes in their loved one’s physical condition. This underscores the importance of <a data-mce-href="https://journeyingon.com/services" href="https://journeyingon.com/services" target="_blank" rel="noopener">guidance, preparation, and clear communication throughout the process</a>.Ethical and Medical Considerations One of the ongoing discussions around VSED is how to balance medical ethics with patient autonomy. The article highlights concerns among healthcare providers about withholding food and water, even when it is a patient’s voluntary choice. It also notes that while VSED is legal, not all medical professionals are comfortable supporting it. This makes advanced planning critical—ensuring that a compassionate, informed care team is in place.Another key finding is that <a data-mce-href="https://www.amazon.com/VSED-Handbook-Practical-Voluntarily-Stopping-ebook/dp/B09VFS7QT6/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0" href="https://www.amazon.com/VSED-Handbook-Practical-Voluntarily-Stopping-ebook/dp/B09VFS7QT6/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener">VSED</a> is not always as straightforward as people assume. While many individuals become unconscious within a week, the process can take longer depending on a person’s condition and hydration levels before stopping intake. Symptom management—such as addressing dry mouth, restlessness, or discomfort—is essential, and having an experienced support network makes a significant difference in maintaining comfort.Final Reflections Reading this study affirmed much of what I’ve seen firsthand: <a data-mce-href="https://www.amazon.com/VSED-Handbook-Practical-Voluntarily-Stopping-ebook/dp/B09VFS7QT6/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0" href="https://www.amazon.com/VSED-Handbook-Practical-Voluntarily-Stopping-ebook/dp/B09VFS7QT6/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener">VSED</a> is a deeply personal choice, but it requires preparation, <a data-mce-href="https://journeyingon.com/about" href="https://journeyingon.com/about" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">support</a>, and <a data-mce-href="https://journeyingon.com/services" href="https://journeyingon.com/services" target="_blank" rel="noopener">compassionate care</a>. Whether you are considering this option for yourself or supporting a loved one, having the right information and guidance is essential.If you’d like to talk about VSED and how I can support you or your family in this journey, I offer a <a data-mce-href="https://calendly.com/journeyingon/15min?month=2025-02" href="https://calendly.com/journeyingon/15min?month=2025-02" target="_blank" rel="noopener">free 15-minute consultation</a> to discuss your needs. Let’s navigate this path with care, dignity, and the support you deserve.(Reference: Suri, S., et al. (2023). "<a data-mce-href="https://www.jpsmjournal.com/article/S0885-3924(23)00565-1/pdf" href="https://www.jpsmjournal.com/article/S0885-3924(23)00565-1/pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking (VSED): A Qualitative Study of Family Caregiver and Clinician Perspectives."</a> Journal of Pain and Symptom Management.)

Understanding VSED: Insights from Recent Research

Japanese pampas grass/silver grass and cosmos bouquet. autumn. monochrome

I have a section on my website’s <a data-mce-href="https://journeyingon.com/faq" href="https://journeyingon.com/faq" target="_blank" rel="noopener">FAQ</a> page that outlines the meaningful services an End-of-Life Worker (Death Doula) can offer. However, not everyone reads this page. &nbsp;So, I wanted to take the time to expand on this in a blog post, providing a deeper understanding of the ways I can support individuals and families during this transition. While every journey is unique, and I always tailor my services to meet each person’s specific needs, this post highlights some of the many ways I can help.Emotional and Spiritual Support <ul><li>Provide a calming presence and compassionate listening. </li><li>Support clients and their families emotionally through all stages of end-of-life.</li><li>Guide clients through reflective practices to find peace, closure, and acceptance.</li><li>Facilitate conversations around legacy, life review, and values.</li></ul>Practical Assistance and Planning<ul><li>Help with organizing paperwork and making end-of-life wishes known. </li><li>Assist in creating advance directives and other essential documents. </li><li>Coordinate with hospice, palliative care providers, and other services as needed. </li><li>Provide a planning framework for vigils, memorials, or celebrations of life. </li><li>Manage care schedules and offer logistical support for families and caregivers.</li></ul>Legacy and Memory Creation<ul><li>Facilitate memory-making activities, such as journaling or recording stories. </li><li>Organize keepsakes, letters, or audio recordings for loved ones. </li><li>Offer guidance on creating a legacy project, like a scrapbook, video, or art. Physical Comfort and Non-Medical Care </li><li>Use techniques like guided meditation, gentle touch, and music to promote relaxation. </li><li>Provide comfort measures, such as repositioning, light massage, or creating a soothing environment. </li><li>Assist with daily non-medical tasks, enhancing comfort and dignity in final days.</li></ul>Family and Caregiver Support<ul><li>Offer respite and emotional support to caregivers. </li><li>Educate family members about the dying process, including physical changes. </li><li>Mediate and facilitate discussions to resolve potential family conflicts. </li><li>Help family members understand grief and support them through the grieving process.</li></ul> After-Death Support<ul><li>Assist with immediate post-death arrangements and rituals as desired by the family. </li><li>Help organize memorial or celebration of life ceremonies. </li><li>Provide bereavement support and resources for grieving family members. </li><li>Each of these services can help create a more supported, meaningful end-of-life experience for both clients and their families. </li></ul>Check out my <a data-mce-href="https://journeyingon.com/services" href="https://journeyingon.com/services" target="_blank" rel="noopener">SERVICES</a> page for more details about packages and rates I currentlyt offer. <a data-mce-href="https://calendly.com/journeyingon/15min" href="https://calendly.com/journeyingon/15min" target="_blank" rel="noopener">CONTACT ME</a> to schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation to explore how I can best support you and your loved ones during this important time. There’s no obligation—just an opportunity to connect and learn more.Love Sundara Heart

Meaningful services an End of Life Worker (Death Doula) can offer:

<figure id="figure-7gxv2rwf2dm6oifrxq" class=""><iframe id="7gxv2rwf2dm6oifrxq" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lcp__Vek4gQ" class="w-full bg-gray-100 " style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" allowfullscreen="" data-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcp__Vek4gQ#ddg-play" data-corners="default" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lcp__Vek4gQ" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></iframe></figure>I watched this film today, and it deserves several awards—along with our attention. Whether you're living or dying, this film resonates because, eventually, we all arrive at that moment. The artistic choices and direction are spectacular, as expected from Pedro Almodóvar. Julianne Moore and Tilda Swinton deliver incredible performances, bringing depth and sincerity to a story that is both heart-wrenching and profoundly important. Not only does the film take a serious look at the challenges of the end of life, but it also highlights the stigma surrounding death and terminal illness—particularly the struggle to face mortality with grace and dignity. There is still much work to be done in freeing people from this burden, fostering greater education, and cultivating compassion around these conversations. Go see it. This is a film that matters.&nbsp;Now Playing at Violet Crown in Santa Fe ﻿<a data-mce-href="https://santafe.violetcrown.com/movie/VC002185" href="https://santafe.violetcrown.com/movie/VC002185" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://santafe.violetcrown.com/movie/VC002185</a>

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We plan for so many things—why not our death?

Drumming on a Tub and Singing: A Taoist Reflection on Grief

Bristol Museum & Art Gallery- "Death: The Human Experience."

Understanding VSED: Insights from Recent Research

Meaningful services an End of Life Worker (Death Doula) c...

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